A Finnish Beauty

"JUKKA," I scream as he picks me up from behind. He starts spinning me around laughing. I yell, "Put me down or you will never have children!" Jukka slows down and lets go of me which causes me to fall on my ass. I glare at him, "You. Will. Die."

He smiles, "You know you can kill me."

I ask raising an eyebrow, "And why the hell not?"

He answers smiling brightly, "Cause you love me!" I brust out laughing standing up.

I brush myself off and add, "Yeah we'll go with that Jukka." Just then Jarppi, Jarno, and HP come walking over looking at me oddly.

Jarppi asks, "Why are you dirty?"

"Because you dumbass friend here Jukka was spinning me around and then let go of me causing me to call to the ground," I answer calmly.

They all look over at Jukka and he yells, "She threated me! She told me that if I didn't put her down I was never having children!" They guys brust into a laughter fit, causing me to shake my head, trying not to laugh, as I brush the rest of the dirt off of myself.

I ask, "So what's up for today boys?"

"Not really sure yet. Just thought we'd play pranks on each other all day," Jarno shrugs messing around with his camera.

I tilt my head to the side, "What are you doing?"

Jarno answers, "Getting the camera ready."

I ask, "Why?"

"Might as well do some filming ya know," he answers. I shrug and run over to Jarppi. I leap on his back wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his middle.

I shout, "Jarppi! How's my big teddy bear?"

He laughs, "Good. And you?"

"Eh my butt hurts from Jukka," I answer removing one of my arms from around his neck to rub my butt with my hand. Then I place my arm back around his neck.

HP yells, "Jarno's got the camera running, Nay Nay do a trick!" I smile and unwrap my arms from around Jarppi's waist keeping my arms around his neck. I place my feet on his back and push myself off of him doing a back flip. I land it but stumble a little.

Jarno adds, "Damn Nay you're flexible."

"Yeah I know. So now what," I question.

Jarno answers, "Well do some more shit."

I shrug, "Sure why not." I remove my teeshirt leaving me in tight blue jeans and a bathing suit top. I add, "Stand perfectly still Jukka." He nods and I do two backflips in a row causing me to be standing right in front of him. I grab his shoulder pushing myself over top of him landing on my stomach.

Jukka turns around and begins, "Are you-OUCH!" He didn't get to finish because I brought my leg up and kicked him in the balls. I stand up as he falls to the ground holding his area.

I laugh, "Thanks what you get for spinning me around like a nut earlier." The other guys start laughing.

HP asks, "Jarno are you getting this stuff?"

"Hell yeah," Jarno answers practically yelling.

Jarppi asks, "How does it feel Jukka to get your ass kicked by a girl?"

"That. Hurt," is all he managers to say.

I sit on Jukka's side and pout, "Aww did I hurty you Jukka baby?" He nods and I lean down kissing his cheek. I add, "I tarry Jukka baby." I get off Jukka's side once I see Jarno is still filming. I walk over to him and ask, "Why do you keep filming me?"

"Well cause you're good at beating the shit outta Jukka," Jarno answers laughing turning the camera to me. I back up a little bit and start to move my hips with a slow beat in my head.

I wink at Jarno and ask, "Now why are you filming me?"


He answers not taking the camera off me, "Cause you're fucking sexy." I laugh and speed up my hip movement. The next thing I know I feel someone tackle me. I fall to the ground on my back to be face to face with Jukka.

I ask, "Whatcha doing stud?"

"I believe I'm sitting on top of you, sexy," Jukka answers winking at me. I roll my eyes and flip him over on his back.

I straddle him and wink, "Now I believe I'm sitting on you."

"Okay okay enough with the porn! Let's get started with some filming stunts," Jarppi laughs.

I get off of Jukka laughing, "Teddy bear you know you would have enjoyed it if it were you instead of Jukka."

"Damn I'll tell ya what, I enjoyed it," Jukka replies winking. I roll my eyes laughing.

Jarno adds, "Hey I enjoyed watching." I laugh even more, the guys join in. This is the start of some kickass filming. But I seriously wonder why Jarno is focusing so much on me today. Usually it's more of who does the stupidest shit. Hmmm who knows it's Jarno.

I sit at the table thinking about what the hell could we possibly to for Jackass Number Two. Just then my cell phone rings and I pick it up. I ask, "Yeah?"

"Hey this is Jarno," Jarno's finnish accented voice answers.

I ask, "Jarno what do you want?"

"Check you're email. I sent you a video I shot today with the guys and Ville's little sister, Renee," Jarno answers before hanging up. I roll my eyes hanging up the phone. I stand up and walk off to the bedroom. I sit at the desk with the computer on it, after turning on the computer I go to my email. That's when I see the email from Jarno. I download the file he sent and start to watch it. After the first shot from her I pause it.

I yell at the top of my lungs, "DUNN!" Soon Dunn comes running in. He slids over to the computer and stands beside me.

He asks, "What?"

"Dude watch this fucking video with me. It's of Ville's sister. That girl that was suppose to come with him during his last visit but she had to work. Now watch it," I answer rewinding it to the beginning. As we watch we're both amazed by this girl. She's so fucking beautiful but yet she can do stunts and take the falls without even a tear. It's just so amazing. I wonder why Jarno sent this to me.

After it's done Dunn looks at me and adds, "That girl was fucking sexy. We should get her into the new Jackass movie!" I ignore him as Jarno and Jukka take the screen. So I guess the mvoie wasn't done yet. J

ukka smiles, "So that was Renee. She's always like that. She's always doing stunts with us so Jarno thought that he would record her doing shit and sent it to you. Maybe you can get her into you're new Jackass movie!"

Jarno adds, "She's love that. She loves doing stunts but I think a part of her is bored here in Finland. So give Ville's place a call or something because she should be there."

The two say in unison, "Later BAM!" The screen goes back.

Dunn asks, "You gotta call?"

"HELL YEAH," I yell getting up off the computer chair. I dial up Ville's number. I just hope she can make it out.






I sit on Ville's couch with Ville watching Lost Boys. That's when he's phone rings and he gets up to answer it. I just sit there enjoying the movie. I hear Ville say, "Hey.... oh hi Bammi. What's up?.... really?.... My sister?.... Sure why not... I'm sure she'll go without a second thought.... yeah I'll buy her a plane ticket tonight on line..... yeah she'll probably be there tomorrow night.... alright.... later Bammi."

I ask, "Who was that?"

"Bam," Ville answers.

I question, "What'd he want?"

Ville smirks, "Well it seems that Jukka, Jarno, HP, and Jarppi sent Bam a video of you doing stunts. He wants you to star in the new Jackass movie."

I leap to my feet and yell, "WHAT?!"

"Bam. Wants. You. In. The. New. Jackass. Movie," he laughs after saying the sentence very slowly. I leap up and down smiling like a mad man.

I scream, "I'm going to be in Jackass Number Two!" Ville laughs even more. I yell, "This is going to be so fucking kickass!!!! I'm going to be in JACKASS NUMBER TWO!! This is so cool. You have no fucking clue how cool this is for me Ville!"

He adds smiling, "I think I do with all you're jumping and yelling."

I ask, "When do I leave?"

"Well let me look up the ticket and I'll get back to you on that," Ville answers smiling.

I ask, "Only me going?"

"Yes for now sis. I might show up later," he answers walking back to the computer to get my ticket. I'M GOING TO THE USA! I'M GOING TO BE IN FUCKING JACKASS!

Normal POV

I sit in the airport in PA, Bam should be here in a few minutes. My goodbye in Finland was really sad. I'm gonna miss the guys while I'm with the Jackass cast. I mean, I'm always either with Ville or Jukka, Jarno, HP, and Jarppi. All of the were at the airport to see me take off. I thanked Jukka, Jarno, HP, and Jarppi a million times, and kept hugging my brother a million times before my plane was called and I was off. I've never met Bam or any of the other guys. I'm really excited. Sadly I didn't get to say goodbye face to face with Jyrki, Jussi, Timo Timo, Linde, Gas, Burton, or Mige. I'm gonna miss all my friends back in Finland but this is going to be good for me. Maybe I'll find some romance. HAHA! That was way to funny. I'm never going to find romance with the Jackass cast, I mean come on! Just look at them, they just see me as just one of the guys. And if they'd be interested in me by some weird chance then that would be destroyed by the fact I'm Ville Valo's LITTLE sister and I live in Finland. I glance around the airport where oh where could Bam Margera be? I, of course, know what he looks like and I know if I'd see him but I can't seem to find him. Hmmm... he must be running alittle late that's all. I play with the handle to one of my five suitcases. Not to many really, I did pack seven but I decided that was WAY to many so I repacked. Five suitcases should do fine. Just then I see two guys walk into the airport. One has blondish longish hair and is wearing a black tee shirt and blue jeans. The other has short black hair and is wearing a blue tee shirt, blue jeans, and has a pair of sunglasses on. I raise an eyebrow as the blonde holds up a sign. This sign reads, in very messy handwritting might I add, "RENEE VALO!" I can't help but laugh at the stupidity of this. I see the dark haired one look my way so I wave them over. Both come racing over like crazy people, I just stare at them oddly. They finally reach me and I realize that the blonde is Chris Pontius and the dark haired guy is Johnny Knoxville. I smile brightly giving them both a hug, kind of surprising them, but they gladly hug me back. I smile wider, "Hi, it's a pleasure to meet the both of you." Excitment runs throughout my whole body. I'm doing cartwheels in my head.

Johnny laughs, "Same here sweetheart."

Chris drapes an arm over my shoulder and adds, "It's great to finally meet that girl that was on the video that Bam had us watch. You're really good at beating the shit outta guys."

"Why thank you," I giggle.

Johnny asks smiling, "These your bags sweetheart?" Wow they are so fucking sexy.

I nod smiling, "Yup." Johnny grabs three while Chris grabs two. I laugh as I watch the two just skip along, I follow them shaking my head trying to calm down. This is going to be a blast! When we get outside I see a limo waiting out there with Bam Margera leaning it on. I feel like jump up and down in excitement right now. I mean wouldn't you with these three sexies hanging around you?

Bam smirks, "Damn Ville never said you were this damn fine. That video did your body no justice."

"How long have you been practicing that one Bam," asks Johnny laughing.

I giggle, "Yeah well you ALL will be seeing alot more of this body."

Chris leaps up in the air and yells, "FUCKING YEAH!" I brust out laughing with Johnny as Bam just stares at Chris like his on crack. Wow this filming is going to be so kickass I'm telling ya.

Normal POV

On the way, we all just groof around and somehow or another I end up sitting on Johnny's lap giving him kisses, on the cheek, at random. I stare at Bam's house, still sitting on Johnny's lap, as we pull into the driveway. I'm amazed by his house, it's so fucking huge and kickass looking. Bam asks, "You alright?"

"You're house is kickass," I yell opening the door as the car parks.

Johnny laughs, "You should see the inside." We all get out and I follow the guys up to the door. Bam stops and looks at me.

He asks, "Are you ready for maddness?"

"Hell yeah," I answer smiling like a mad man. The guys laugh and Bam opens the door. We all walk in and I see a bunch of people sitting around the room. A women, I realize is April, stands up and walks over to me.

She gives me a hug, "Hey Renee. It's nice to meet you."

"Same to you," I reply, shyly giving her a hug back.

Bam adds, "Ape I think you're scaring her." She pulls away from the hug and I do also.

She rolls her eyes at Bam, "Whatever."

I giggle, "Go April!"

Johnny drapes an arm around my shoulders, "I like this one. Wanna be my lover?"

"Ah tempting offer there but you have a wifey and I wish not to be murdered," I laugh.

He adds, "But you didn't seem to care about the wifey on the way here."

Bam rolls his eyes, "I'm sure you know everyone... but Everyone this is Renee."

Steve-o adds, "Could never tell with everyone calling her Renee." Bam hits Steve-o upside the head making me laugh.

Dunn asks, "So you're the one that was kicking Jukka's ass?"

I smile answering, "Yup that's me."

"Well you don't look like much of a fighter," he replies staring at me.

I smirk asking, "Wanna try me?"

He smirks answering, "Sure but if I win I get a kiss."

"Eh sure. If I win... I get to... hmmm... I got it! If I win the recording of this goes on the net," I grin devilishly.

Bam adds, "I'm grabbing the video camera!"

I lick my lips and pat Dunn's cheek, "This should be a blast for me... but not for you Dunn."

"Oh we'll see," he adds, patting my shoulder. This is going to be the biggest mistake of his life.

Bam pulls out a video camera and adds, "To the back yard!" I follow everyone to the backyard. It's fucking huge! Damn this fight is going to be fun. I pull my hair back into a messy bun.

I ask, "Ready Dunn?"

"Of course," he answers getting into a fighting pose. I just stand normally and he sends out a questioning look. He asks, "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you to attack or something," I answer in a 'duh' kinda tone.

He asks, "Ready?"

"Well yeah," I answer rolling my eyes. I see him running at me so I roll my eyes. I mutter, "Such a stupid move." I kick

him in the stomach, hard, causing him to double over. I elbow him in the back of the head while he's doubled over causing him to stumble forward.

Chris yells, "Dude you're getting your ass kicked by a girl!" I do a back flip, I have to toy with him... that's always fun.

He stands up straight and yells, "Dude shut up! She's good!"

"No no no. I'm GREAT," I smirk giggling. He runs at me and I do a back flip kicking him in chin, but not hard enough to break his jaw... but hard enough to let him know I mean business.

He places his hand at his jaw and yells, "FUCK! That hurt!"

I laugh, "Well yeah it suppose to. We're fighting here."

Novak adds, "Damn remind me never to piss her off." I race around him and jump on his back. He elbows me in the stomach and I fall to the ground. That hurt! Now it's time to end this. From the ground I kick him in the balls as hard as I can.

He falls to the ground and yells, "Goddamnit! I fucking give up! Shit! That fucking hurts like a son of a bitch! FUCK!"

Bam laughs as he continues to record, "Damn at least you got her what once?"

"Fuck you dude! She's wicked," he groans with a death grip on his "package", still laying on the ground.

I laugh, "So when will that be on the net Bammi?"

"Oh I'm going to go do it right now," Bam answers grinning devilish.

Dunn cries out, "You have to be kidding me?!"

I ask raising an eyebrow, "And how are you going to stop him?"

Chris walks over placing his arm around my shoulders, "You. Kick. Ass."

"Yes I know this," I reply.

Dunn mutters, "Bam you are a dick."

Bam snickers, "Just finding this out?"

April, who had been watching the whole thing, asks, "Where did you learn to fight like that?"

I answer, "I'm flexable thanks to yoga and I did alot of kickboxing and shit. I'm a tough girl." I rub my stomach and pout.

Dunn stands up, "So I got ya good huh?"

"No not really. I'm just hungry," I answer blinking a few times. Just then my stomach growls.

Bam adds, "Well then let's all go to out and get something to eat."

I smile brightly, "YAY food!" They all look at me oddly and I ask, "What?"

"You're the first really skinny girl that I've ever seen that got excited over food," Bam answers. The rest kinda nod agreeing with Bam.

I add, "Well I'm just that damn special." They all laugh.

Bam replies, "Well then let's go get you some food shall we?"

I answer grinning, "YES! NOW COME ON!" Everyone laughs at me and we all head back inside.

April gives me a hug, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

I give her a hug back, "Yup! Now I must go get food." We pull away from the hug.

April laughs, "Yes now go get food." With that all of us, but April, pile into the hummer. I sit on Chris lap and play with his hair.

Chris asks, "Having fun?"

"Why yes I am," I answer grinning. I continue to play with his hair and talk randomly with the guys. When we finally arrive at the place where Bam had decided to take us to eat, I practically leap out of the hummer and jump up and down.

Bam laughs, "Easy there."

"Sorry I'm just really hungry. I haven't eaten in about 8-9 hours," I reply blushing slightly. Which was very noticible thanks to my very pale skin.

Steve-o yells, "Jesus let's get this girl in there quick!" Before I knew it I'm being carried bride style by Johnny into the place!

I yell, "What the hell are you doing?!"

"Carrying you," he answers in a 'duh' kinda voice.

I slap him upside the head lightly, "Well duh! But why?"

"Cause Steve-O said so," he answers. I roll my eyes as we enter the building. Oh he's gonna put me down... nope! He carries me to the table and sits me down in a chair.

I ask, "Was that fun?"

"Kinda yes," he answers as the other sit down around us. Johnny had taken a spot beside me, Chris takes the other spot beside me while Bam sits in front of me. As for the rest they just sit around the table randomly. After we all order, which I ordered two salads, bread sticks, and a glass of water.

Steve-O asks, "Are you sure you can eat all that? Salads fill people up quick."

"Yes I'm sure. I'm a bottomless pit," I answer dancing slightly in my chair. This earns me odd looks from everyone. I ask, "What?"

"Are you always this hyper," asks Bam raising an eyebrow.

I answer shrugging, "Sometimes. I get bored easily so I dance."

Chris asks, "So what's the plan for the day?"

"Eh thinking about just doing some random ass shit just to waste time today," Bam answers.

I ask, "Can we do shopping carts?!"

Bam answers/questions raising an eyebrow, "Sure... why?"

"I dunno. I've never really done shopping carts. All I've ever really done like that is downhill trashcan racing with Jukka and them," I answer playing with a napkin.

Chris asks, "Are you having fun there sexy?"

"Eh of course Sexy," I answer as I continue to play with the napkin.

Bam asks, "So guys who does shopping carts sound?" They all say some form of sure and that's when our food arrives. I start shoving food into my mouth and the guys watch him with eyebrows raised.

Johnny asks, "Are you okay?" I nod without saying a word and continue to eat. He asks, "How do you stay so skinny?"

"I don't eat meat," I answer. I then add, "I'm always doing something. Plus for some reason I just don't really gain weight well." I notice the guys start eating, by that time I have finished one of my salads. I ask, "So when are we doing the shopping carts?"

"I dunno. Probably once we get out of here and to a store," Bam answers with a mouthful of food.

I make a face, "That's so gross. Don't talk with your mouth full."

"Whatever," he replies, mouth still full of food. I roll my eyes and continue to eat. After some small talk, more of me telling Bam not to talk with his mouth full, and we finish eating, Bam pays for the food and we leave. Once inside the hummer I sit on Chris's lap again and prop my feet up on Johnny.

Johnny asks, "Comfy?"

"Of course," I answer curling up slightly so I'm only on Chris and Johnny. I yawn, "Me take a nap now." I then glare around the hummer, "And any of you do anything to me you'll be worse off then Dunn."

"Alright just go to sleep," Bam adds rolling his eyes. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.